This day, two years back...

This day, two years back I lost a love, a soul mate, 80% of my life, the reason I smile, breathe and live, the most beautiful person that ever existed in my life... Time, people and the world will surely change, but this love has and will forever remain and grow long after his death...

I wonder how it's like for you Hassan...

I wonder, if you, in your non-existence still see me... even if I don't see you...

I wonder if you still stand beside me and watch me laugh out loud like crazy and make a total fool of myself. Does it still hurt your ears, the ringing of my laughter? I swear I'll live in a world of silence if only you were here to share it with me...

I wonder if you still come over to my door to hide my shoes... you know I still keep a pair at the door out of habit, wishing you'd come and hide them, just to bug me once more...? I will keep all my 28 pairs outside for you to hide them if I it could make you come back...

I wonder whether you still hover over my shoulder when I'm cooking and check and re-check to see if I've added the garlic’s that you like so much and I would say yes every time and you don't find them on your plate at dinner later... I want to fight about the garlic’s Hassan. Yes, please do come back, I'll add the garlic’s and onions and all the spices in the world for you... Let's have one last dinner with me...

I wonder if you still stare at my old teddy bear and make that disgusting face... I know that it was you who doodled a moustache with your Redleaf pen on him... though you denied every time that you were jealous of an old teddy... You know, I wasn't mad at you at all... I found it sweet that you wanted me for yourself... I am here Hassan. I am yours. Please come back... =(

I wonder whether you still sneak in late at night and lie next to me while I'm lost in my dreams and nightmares, yearning for your familiar warmth and you, smell my hair, fall asleep and disturb my slumber with your snoring!! I miss your snoring and the noises you make when you come in late at night and the several excuses...You can bring the frigging ceiling down with your noise... I won't care! I'll give my life to hear you snore beside me once more... =( Make noise Hassan, let me hear you once more... =(

It's strange how missing someone could terribly turn a woman so helpless and insane. I wish I have been ready for such loneliness, despair and emptiness... But then again, sometimes loneliness is the only comfort that feels alright because my loneliness revolves around you Hassan... It feels so damn good to love you and miss you! Thank you, for just being even if it's with the angels up there... I love you.